Excuses Excuses by Gareth Owen

Late again Blenkinsopp?
What’s the excuse this time?
Not my fault sir.
Who’s fault is it then?
Grandma’s sir.
Grandma’s? What did she do?
She died sir.
She’s seriously dead alright sir.
That makes four grandmothers this term Blenkinsopp
And all on PE days.
I know. It’s very upsetting sir.
How many grandmothers have you got Blenkinsopp?
Grandmothers sir? None sir.
You said you had four.
All dead sir.
And what about yesterday Blenkinsopp?
What about yesterday sir?
You were absent yesterday.
That was the dentist sir.
The dentist died?
No sir. My teeth sir.
You missed the maths test Blenkinsopp!

I’d been looking forward to it sir.
Right, line up for PE.
Can’t sir.
No such word as “can’t” Blenkinsopp
No kit sir.
Where is it?
Home sir.
What’s it doing at home?
Not ironed sir.

Couldn’t you iron it?
Can’t sir.
Why not?
Bad hand sir.
Who usually does it?
Grandma sir.
Why couldn’t she do it?
Dead sir.

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